All I Can Do
by Evlredd
Summary: A back and forth of Max and Logan's thoughts after the death of b**** doctor.
1. Hard

Title: All I can do.  
Author: Evlredd  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, so don't bother me about it!  
A/N: This is my first posted fic, so please give me feed back. I eat up constructive criticism with a big spoon ... it only makes me a better writer. So fire away!  
  
Hope you like ....  
  
  
She sat at the top of the world. The chill wind whipping her curls around her delicate features. And above the city she let her tears fall. Like melting crystal they left sad winding trails down her smooth cheeks. She knew she loved him, but did he not care for her enough to trust her with his pain? Her shoulders heaved lightly with her sigh. She stood precariously on the edge of the old monument and dove down into the night.   
  
He sat quietly, stroking the cold metal with his hands. He was bound again by this chair, by this stereotype, by his own fear. Why did he send her away? She was the only one he wanted, and he sent her away with cold detachment. His shoulders heaved heavily with his sigh as he rubbed at his throbbing temples.   
  
She sped through the streets of Seattle, blind to the people and the lights of the city. She saw only direction, her way to him. She pursed her lips and revved her engine, angry at the blinding red light preventing her from telling him. 'No,' it screamed silently, 'You are weak, you are nothing, you know no love, you should not feel.' And she fell back to her days at Manticore, and the light became Lydecker and she became 'that' girl again. And suddenly she felt her head turning her bike around and the seizures dancing on the edge of her mind. But she fought again against the dark and her heart and soul and being caught her before she fell.  
  
He typed furiously at his computer, desperately trying to push her from his mind. He fought for other's lives and their peace of mind and yet, he could find none for himself. He grumbled loudly and slammed his fists on the table. "God damnit," he shouted. He shook his head lightly and pushed himself away from the table. "God damnit." He wheeled himself slowly to the kitchen and picked up his cordless. He dialed her number and listened as the phone shrilly rang. The answering machine picked up and her edgy voice stated simply, "You've reached the number you've dialed" BLEEP. He smiled slightly as he put the receiver pack in its cradle. She had adopted his cryptic message.  
  
She parked her bike outside the brick tower and slowly entered the lobby. She nodded swiftly at the door man and entered the lift. And then the panic rose again, choking her, drowning her. And she wanted to run so bad, to just leave. That was what she did. She left when it got to hard, when it got scary, when she loved Logan. She gripped her hands tightly, her knuckles turning white. Why was this so hard? The elevator dinged and she took a step back.  
  
He lay in the darkness of his bedroom. He'd like to say he was contemplating life, or thinking up cures to cancer or a way to instill world piece, but he wasn't. He was thinking about a girl. A girl he had a really big crush on. A girl he loved, but didn't love him. He sighed and closed his eyes. "Logan?" He opened his eyes quickly.   
  
She shifted from foot to foot outside his door letting her mind and heart argue. She desperately wanted to go in there and tell him how she felt, tell him how wanted and cared about he was. But she was so scared. So scared to take a chance, to depend on someone, to give him her heart. So she stood and stared at the door. Finally she shook her head and freed herself from restraint. 'Stop being same-old-Max,' she chided herself, 'It's your closed-off nature that made him think he had no one, nothing. Let it out, girl!' She quickly picked his lock and entered the dark house. She silently padded from room to room searching for her heart. She softly called for him, "Logan?"  
  
"Max?" he responded, lifting himself up on his elbows, "I'm in here"  
He froze slightly as she stood awkwardly in the door frame. He studied her dark silhouette and fell for her all over again. This genetically revved-up female who was beautiful, and smart, and funny, and cynical, and just so utterly desirable stood fidgeting slightly, waiting for him to say something.  
"Is everything okay?" he began trying to break the tension that he hadn't even realized had grown in the room. He shuddered when she took a halting breath. He couldn't get his mind off her lips. And then she spoke. "Yes"  
  
'What? I meant no,' she berated herself silently, 'I was going to say no, now I have to go through with it.' She watched Logan's face change from curiosity to nervousness as she moved across the room to sit next to him on his bed.  
"What I'm going to say probably isn't what you want to hear, but I'm going to say it and you are going to listen," she let the words rush out and glared menacingly for effect. She saw him gulp and nod slightly.  
"Logan, you are amazing. You are smart and funny, caring ... so beautiful. Logan, you are so beautiful, and you've saved me from myself. And as much as I want to be around you and with you I'm so scared. You scare me Logan, cause I ... I don't know. I trust you so much, and Damn it Logan, how can you think people don't care for you, or that I don't need you while you are in this chair. I can't say that someday I won't run, or that I won't have troubles and it won't be hard, but I can say that I want to be with you, and I ... I love you Logan Cale."  
She sucked in a breath after her heart let go and she closed her eyes, waiting. She didn't know what to expect, so she waited. Nothing.  
  
He couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe, or think, or move, or speak. So he just sat there and stared. He watched her standing, wavering slowly, and he loved her. He loved her so much it hurt. Her lashes danced on her cheeks as she stood with her eyes closed, awaiting his response. So he said the only thing that he could muster, "Max".  
  
She started at his voice. It was raw with emotion, and it held everything she had wanted to hear from him. She opened her eyes and stared into his glistening blue pools. And she lost her voice. And so she did the only thing she could muster, she kissed him.  
  
  



	2. Something Comfortable

Velvet. Soft, warm, flow-y velvet. Her lips were all he knew at this moment. The kiss was soft and gentile and even though their lips barely touched, he knew. She was all he wanted-forever. They parted, her forehead resting against his, and he let a soft sigh escape his lips. He felt her smile slightly and he raised his hand to her cheek to caress her soft olive skin. Her cheeks were wet from her tears and he pulled back, his eyes questioning.  
  
She looked into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, and smiled.   
"Would an 'It's not you, it's me' line fly right about now?" She asked lightly.  
Still concerned he replied softly, "What is it Max?"  
"You know, I was always so afraid to cry," she began, moving away from him to pace the room, "I mean, that was understandable in Manticore. We were subject to group humiliation if so much as a sniffle was heard. You can't be weak you know." Max scrubbed to tears away with the back of her hand. As she continued to pace she let her fingers linger on the wet on her hand, "But even after I escaped, that mentality was so drilled into me that I still couldn't. I was so little, and there were so many times that it would have been okay to cry, but I was so fearful. So one day I discovered the YMCA pool. I would immerse myself in the water and I would let my tears flow. I figured, if I couldn't feel the difference of the water all around me from the tears on my cheeks then it couldn't really be crying, right?"  
She looked up at Logan then. Her dark eyes searching his light ones she began again, shakily, "But all those times, I was crying because of my sadness," she sat down next to him again and took his hands in hers," I can't help but cry now, because when I'm with you I'm so, so happy."  
  
His eyes welled with tears and he pulled her to him.   
"I don't deserve you Max," he whispered hoarsely as he breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. And they sat like that, his arms around her and her arms around him. He rested his chin in her hair and she let her ears be filled with the sound of his heart beating. He hadn't been happy in a long time. Even before his parents died he felt empty. And now, now he felt like a part of his soul that had been missing for so long was back. He held her in his arms and he felt complete. If he could just freeze this moment and live in it forever-but he knew there would be other moments. And so he smiled and let a curl twirl around his fingers.  
  
Max let her eyes drift closed, and smiled lazily. She felt so drowsy with love for him. She had never belonged. She didn't even belong with her family anymore--they couldn't trust her. But here, in this man's arms, she felt real, true, and happy. She let her tongue trace her lower lip and giggle softly thinking of their kiss. That was a great kiss.  
  
Logan stopped mid twirl when he heard Max's giggle.   
"Something you'd like to share?" he questioned leaning away from her slightly to get a better look at her.   
"Oh, just thinking about your lips," she replied lightly before disentangling her body from his, "Can I kiss you again?" Her frankness was endearing and sexy and he felt himself falling in her eyes again. He gulped, "Yes." And then his lips were on hers, or hers were on his, but he couldn't think, just feel. All he felt was softness and warmth. It started in his belly and spread throughout his limbs. His mind was spinning and his heart was happy.  
  
She felt warmth everywhere. Her lashes fluttered against their cheeks and she sighed gently into his lips. The kiss began to deepen and hands began to roam. She felt dangerous and scared, and sexy and self-conscious and her mind reeled. She kept touching his face and neck and shoulders and arms and then back up again and then back down. She let her fingers flutter against his skin to test his realness. His arms tightened around her middle and pulled her closer to him, which she didn't think possible. And she felt his love and she knew he felt hers.  
  
He pulled back.   
"Logan," she pouted. His name was said with such desire and passion it was all he could do not to push her back on the bed and continue, but he stayed his distance.   
She smiled lightly, "I know, I know."  
"We have to--"  
"Take it slow," she said nodding, "didn't I just say I knew?!"  
He nodded back and smiled. God, she was beautiful, but it had to be slow or she would be scared away.   
"You know, I couldn't even imagine how trapped you'd feel if you woke up in my bed tomorrow morning."  
She looked down, ashamed at being understood, at being 'found out', but he lifted her chin.  
"I know you Max, you can't hide from me. I know how you are, but I love you. And I'm going to do whatever it takes and go however slow for us to ease into something comfortable."  
  
She grinned. 'Something comfortable,' she thought, 'I like that.'  
"How about a nice comfortable turkey sandwich?" She asked smoothing her hair.  
"I think I can manage that," he replied, pulling himself into his chair.  
And as she followed him into the kitchen she felt very comfortable.  



End file.
